Tales of the Shitty Wizard

by Low Cunning

supported by

rocketredfern hot damn grindcore and dungeon synth is a match made in the filthiest of shanties. re-release a shitty wizard tape please! Favorite track: Summon The Scrivener As I Cannot Fathom What Arcana This Fucking Tome Conceals.

Benjamin Cannings I would fully listen to more of this. Bought it 2 days ago, listened to it 7 or 8 times already.

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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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$3 USD or more
A Cassette You Won't Play
Cassette + Digital Album
Physical media packaged in a handsome vinyl case to ensure you can't store it with your other cassettes. Full-color jacket to draw the eye of impressionable children. Includes a booklet with tips n' tricks for the fake role playing game—it's called "world building"—and 1" pins you'll quickly loose or forget about.

This item is a preorder and the estimated ship date may be adjusted accordingly.

Includes unlimited streaming of Tales of the Shitty Wizard via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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	1.	For Some Reason This Overland Map Is Inexplicably Covered In A Dense Fog Of War 03:27
	2.	A Horde of Orcs Have Broken Through The Gates And I'm Looking to Boil Them Alive, Not Just Simmer Them 02:24
	3.	Actually Yes, If You Must Know, I Do My Best Scrying Whilst Drunk 01:35
	4.	Somewhere In This Castle Is A Carefully-Hidden Switch That Provides Access To A Secret Antechamber (Which Seems Like Bad Planning Or A Design Flaw, Honestly) 02:00
	5.	Summon The Scrivener As I Cannot Fathom What Arcana This Fucking Tome Conceals 04:48
	6.	Invaders Have Broken Through To The Gatehouse, Part I_ Fall Behind Me As I Single-Handedly Repel These Vile Assassins! Part II_ As I Lie Among Ruble And Inhale The Stench Of Charred Townsfolk I Realize I May Have Misjudged Our Assailants 03:13
	7.	So It Turns Out That The Dragon's Treasure Is Actually Just 200 Years of Feculent Dragon Effluvia 03:10
	8.	Tell That Bard To Shut The Fuck Up 01:23
	9.	No, I Wasn't The Idiot Who Forgot To Bring Torches Into This Dungeon And No, I Do Not Know The "Bright" Spell 06:01
	10.	Fill The Village With Music And Revelry For I Return With Vast Riches And Esoteric Knowledge (Though, Sadly, Not Princess Brunhilde. My Bad.) 00:46

about

An ode to early console and computer role playing games, "Tales of the Shitty Wizard" puts you in control of the titular mage as he protects the Kingdom of Annwvyn from the Grim Dragon Asmodæus and his bloodthirsty minions. Unfortunately, the Shitty Wizard's arrogance and ineptitude makes life in Annwvyn a hellish slog where the sweet release of death is the goal of every townsperson.

credits

released July 24, 2020

Written and performed by Z. Emerson Weston
Mastered by Tom Gaffron
Design by Gage Salzano, Studio Apt.

All sounds on "Tales of the Shitty Wizard" were performed on guitar with a small army of guitar pedals. As guitar strings are imperfect oscillators, the occasional weird glitch or untoward noise should be expected and welcomed. Analog gear, amirite?

license

about

Low Cunning Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Fake video game music for fake video games with fake synth sounds made by real guitars.

Call the Tipline of the Shitty Wizard: (888) 351-2666. Updated whim-ishly.

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